I’ve heard the Lazy Genius talk about not comparing all days to your best days. Yup, got it. But, I never had a specific day in mind that was the gold standard of days, either. Now I do.

Last Tuesday was Cash & Quinn’s last day of school before the winter break, a half day with an early release at noon. Gray was already home on his break, which started a little earlier. At the last minute, I decided it would be a good idea to invite some friends over for a gift wrapping party. I figured, with the half day, a lot of parents may welcome productivity that wasn’t work-related. Also, I dislike wrapping gifts. There, I said it. So I welcomed the company.

A few friends stopped by with their gifts needing to be wrapped (or just to grab some breakfast and coffee), and we talked and wrapped all morning. By the end, ALL of my wrapping was finished! Amazingly, Gray took an early nap so Colin and I could split the work. A couple of hours later and we were completely finished. Gifts wrapped. Check.

At noon, we picked up Cash & Quinn. They were excited for the leftover brunch that was still on the table from our get together. Easy after school snack already done. Check.

At 1:00, Erin (our regular Tuesday babysitter) arrived. I didn’t know how glorious it would be to have a babysitter that I didn’t have to specifically book, someone who just shows up every week on the same day at the same time. It felt like the best gift of all. Colin and I were both home during the day and we had a babysitter! Amazing.

We said our good-byes and headed out to Namu for lunch. We daydreamed about the future plans we have and talked through last minute gifts. Quick stops at Barnes and Noble and Dick’s Sporting Goods. Cruised by a house we saw on Redfin that looked interesting, then stopped by the mall for just those last few minutes we had left before getting back home to the boys.

It was a day of nothing special and yet the most amazing day of all. It felt like us. Like the days when it was just us somehow magically synched up with our now life as parents, and it felt beautiful.

I know a lot of people go away for days at a time to beautiful tropical places as a couple. I can see the allure of a trip like that. We’ve never had one. No honeymoon, no nights away from our kids. But, honestly, if we could just have a bit more of this kind of day, a day to be us for just a few hours, it would feed us so much more than a trip alone ever could. The balance of touching base and snuggling kids, and also having space for ourselves is what I crave the most.

So while the days keep flying by, and our kids keep getting older, i don’t wish for time away or long breaks from my role as a mom. I hope we are able to find more balanced days like this to refresh and rejuvenate us through the tougher days of illness and nights with little sleep.

We finally make it to Bermuda as a family!

This was an epic trip filled with snorkeling, boating, fish watching, lizard chasing, and sunset watching. The boys swam in the ocean, in the pool, in the coves. We sipped coffee in the mornings, ate fresh fish, drank rum drinks, and ate snow cones. We took taxis and ferries all over the island. The kids played with their cousins, we were loved on by family, and we rode to places Colin played as a kid.

This school year has been bumpy! I’m actually amazed at how much in school tome we’ve had. Most schools stayed virtual til just recently, but Cash and Quinn were in person since last August. They decided on half days and we switched to full days after winter break, which unexpectedly lasted til February! Then March was conferences and spring break. Then in April, the boys had a close Covid contact during hair cuts.

Especially with a one year old in the mix, the back and forth, and routine adjustments started wearing on me. The close contact meant 18 days out of school since their two weeks of quarantine backed up to another school break. My mind reeled with possibilities for more unexpected breaks during that last month of school if they went back May 11th. It felt like too much.

We decided to keep them home for the duration of the school year. We started to ease into summer with a new routine. I work in the morning, Gray does his swim class, and Cash and Quinn play. Then lunch and pool time before Gray’s second nap at 3:30. we have some quiet time before Colin gets home and we have dinner. I’m also teaching a couple times a week so that factors into our evening plans, but overall it’s a beautiful schedule.

We have a long weekend with Memorial Day and then another one to celebrate Colin’s birthday. We going full summer mode and renting a boat for the day to take out on the lake. The boys are going to love it!

I’m grateful for these long days with everyone home together. I’m grateful these pandemic days are beginning to move toward a more typical version of life. And I’m grateful for the flexibility to make choices that center our values as we keep navigating our way through these early years.

I want to remember the lessons 2020 taught me…

I am stronger than I think but I could also use some help.

I require quiet space to recharge.

People are always the most important thing.

Gratitude affects my attitude in all the best ways

Some things just don’t matter and it’s ok to drop the ball.

I need more hugs than I thought

Juggling works best when I focus on one thing at a time

Some things require too much of my energy and need to be compartmentalized accordingly

I am more than what I do

Rest is critical

I need to do more of what makes me feel strong

In 2018, I started a deep dive into time management. Cash was three and Quinn was two, and I had just finished my third year review for promotion and tenure at NC State. It might have been one part existential crossroads, one part overcoming imposter syndrome, and one part fear of dropping all the things I was trying to juggle. Regardless, it quickly became obvious that I needed help with time management and prioritizing ALL the things.

Cash and Quinn were at different schools, which meant double the drop offs, double the emails, double the lunch rules (Cash: No trash, no peanuts, no tree nuts; Quinn: no meat, no tree nuts), double the calendars, and double the pick ups. If you’ve ever done this, you know it basically equates to picking up a part time job. I was literally spending 12-15 hours a week on drop off and pick up each week, and their school calendars weren’t aligned so it was November before we had a “typical” week in which they were both in school following their schedules. I was incredibly grateful for both of their schools, which made this chaotic schedule doable.

A month in and I decided I needed to hire a time management consultant. I needed an outside perspective to help me find balance between work and home as well as to help me take advantage of every minute of my working day. I remember meeting her at a coffee shop. She walked me through a series of exercises, talked to me about my very busy season of life, and helped me realize how much I needed to carve out time for myself.

By December, I had fully embraced my new appreciation for time management and began to set real boundaries between work and everything else, for the very first time. I was nervous, but also knew just how necessary this step was. Every day I wrote the same quotation at the top of my planner, “What are you willing to give up in order to have the life you keep pretending you want?” Ouch. This is when barre classes came back into my life and when Friday planning changed what I say yes to and how I budget my energy. I’ve never looked back.

Fall is here! Although we are now officially in our third season of a global pandemic, it’s still nice to feel a natural transition as the air is cooler, days become shorter, and a familiar sense of cozy settles in.

Last weekend we took the boys to get a wagon full of pumpkins. Our new house accommodates more pumpkins and jack o lanterns so we are taking full advantage. Halloween is Cash and Quinn’s favorite holiday. They talk about it all year long. I think it’s the costumes plus the candy plus the creepiness of the holiday. They also love the excitement of being out late at night walking around the neighborhood.

Fall also ushers in a season of reflection and gratitude. It’s like coming back home after a summer of being on the go and outside all the time. The gratitude I feel this year for our new home is immeasurable. It’s such a gift every single day to wake up here and get to live in this space.

I’m also so grateful that in this fall season, we have Gray with us. We weren’t sure if a third baby was in the plans for our family, so having him here feels extra special this year. Watching him learn new things is so much fun for all of us, but especially Cash and Quinn. I personally love all the snuggles and arm rubs I get when I put him to bed at night. His laughter and his joy fill us up.

I definitely want to savor all of these small (and big) areas of our lives. I’m trying to soak in more of the moments that count and let go of the fleeting moments of frustration. Some days I do a better job than others. Other days my kids read a book about bullies and tell their dad I am one. Oof.

Overall, though, this season feels like a time of renewed purpose in that our family is moving into another new phase. This last part of the year will likely feel terribly long and incredibly short at the same time. Our time indoors will begin to grow and we will need to find new ways to be together. Hopefully with lots of snuggled up movies, hot chocolate, and tasty goodness we’ve baked!

Cash was asking me how old Gray is now. We may have confused him by celebrating Gray’s half birthday. He thought he was one. I told him Gray is half of one. And he said, “Oh! He’s wah!” Haha. It’s so entertaining watching them make sense of the world as they begin to understand more and more.

So Gray is indeed wah, which means he’s at one of my favorite stages! He’s not yet mobile, but learning to stand. He still wants me to nurse him, but doesn’t need solely breast milk for nutrients. He’s giggling and smiling. It’s so great!

We are still trying to figure out sleeping through the night. I’ve been reading blogs and books about baby sleep. I land somewhere in between trusting the experts and trusting my own intuition, which probably just confuses the issue and creates more problems than it solves. For now, we are working on making small changes in the hopes that it makes a big difference.

When Cash turned two, the word “two” became his favorite word. He even named his stuffed dog, Two. One day, I asked him if he knew how much I loved him. He, of course, said, “Two much!”, which sounds just like “Too much”. I told him he was exactly right. I do love him too much.

When Quinn and I had a similar conversation, he told me I love him “so much”, turning it into “too much and so much”.

Tonight when putting Cash to bed, I asked if he knows how much I love him. At first, he said the usual “so much and too much” but then he added that those would equal double much or maybe triple much and put them together and it would be “mega much”! Sweet little boys. I do love all three of them “mega much”!

Sweet Baby Gray is six months old today.

Amidst chaos and uncertainty, Gray has helped move our family (literally and figuratively) through every phase of this pandemic so far. He and I have stayed in a bubble, along with Cash and Quinn, during this postpartum phase, unsure how COVID-19 affects young children and babies. It feels like Gray arrived “just in time” in so many ways, a baby we thought we’d never meet. Happy half birthday, Gray. Sorry your brothers are your cake!

Up until now I’ve avoided writing much about my career as an academic mama of three kids. This is not an area in which I consider myself an expert since I’m only five months into this adventure, but I’m also aware that the numbers of women in academia with three kids pretenure while on the tenure track is lower than it should be. A lot of women are uncertain of the career costs associated with three kids, are advised against having kids pretenure, or know enough about the archaic, patriarchical system to opt out of a tenure track position. We lose a lot of valuable contributing voices as a result. I had to tune out a lot of noise to get to this place.

For me, I always tend to make decisions based on what I might regret in the future. In the case of three kids, would I regret not getting tenure but having three kids or would I regret having three kids but not getting tenure? It wasn’t a tough decision in that sense. Because there’s also the option of “What if I don’t have three kids but ALSO don’t get tenure?”, which is always a possibility.

Next is the question of how to make it all fit into the 168 hours I am given each week. That’s what I’m going to try to write more about. The how. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s hard. And it’s crazy hard during a pandemic with all three kids at home (which was never our plan, obviously). I’ll work on sharing some of my philosophies that guide my decision making, as well as modeling what my daily work/family life looks like. I don’t do any of this perfectly, but by grounding myself in my values, and one important word (Calm), I think I do it well most days. And honestly, that’s all I can ask of myself during these early years, and especially during another baby year!