Trying to Keep on the Sunny Side at all Times is Tough

I am being hard on myself to stay on the sunny side of life. I want to be there…I really, really do. And what drags me away from basking in the sunshine in a lush green pasture with birds chirping and tulips all around? Email, cell phone, schoolwork, people, etc. Since starting my PhD program, I have lost track of parts of myself…the parts that can sit still. Crazy, considering it is a counseling program I am in. Now, I can still be present with clients or supervisees without much trouble, but my own simple pleasures are tougher. And anyone who knows me knows this is NOT me. I am the queen of self-care, but am struggling (not in the big picture, I’m still good at that) to be still and quiet on a daily basis. My mind races …What am I supposed to be working on? What can I get ahead on? What did I forget to do? Maybe I should check my planner one more time. I wonder if I posted to BlackBoard? And before I realize it, I’m frenzying myself when all I really need to do is relax. Interestingly, I do not have this problem on breaks or vacations, but in the middle of a semester I have been trained (conditioned) to be a slave to school and school work. To some degree, I cannot change the nature of my program and the extremely high expectations, but I am working on setting limits to my email checking, enjoying bubble baths from time to time, sipping red wine and dreaming of Italy, and reading my Oprah magazine on THE day it arrives at my doorstep. These simple things are hopefully going to make some big differences (a reference to the Tipping Point…a great book!). Again, I feel like overall I do a pretty good job with this, but I would like to slow down even further this semester…take things one thing a time (literally) and keep myself at the top of the list. The happiest people (I learned in my new O magazine) are those that pursue excellence in whatever they are passionate about. I am currently in the process of doing that. And it does make me incredibly happy, especially being at the elementary school (which helps me remember my roots and why I went into this field in the first place). So, now I just need to stay grounded in the knowledge that “sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing is just a grain of sand…It sure makes everything else seem so small”.