Livin in a Moment

Balance seems to be a good theme for the week. Yesterday it was 75 degrees and sunny so I rode around with the top down (getting caught up on some errands). Today it is dreary and stormy so I sat home and watched movies, happy to not have to straighten my hair or worry about real clothes. The balance, or the contrast, is nice. I love them both equally…warm, sunny days and dark, dreary ones.
This Spring Break I have tried to give myself the gift of relaxation while still keeping in mind all of the necessities that must get done. I look back and think I have done a good job during the past week of paying attention to both. This is the balance I have been searching over the past several months. I did not drive home (though at times I wanted to), but instead took some time…a luxury in the past two years.
I hear people talk about being busy, not having time, feeling rushed. And I don’t want to minimize those feelings for other people. I’m sure there are people out there who are much busier than I will ever be. However, I myself have said that I was “soooo busy” at various points in my life (e.g., working full-time nights and taking 18 hour semesters to finish college, working 2 full-time jobs and taking 3 graduate level classes, etc.), but nothing compares to the busy I have seen or done in these last 24 months. Maybe when I have children, I will look back and think this amount of busy is nothing in comparison. But I would like to think that even with children there are moments of being present in your own life. My own life seems to have faded in the past two years, despite my enormous efforts to coax it to stick around, telling it that this is short-term and not an eternal commitment. It abandoned me during my first semester, though…packed its bags and headed south. So…
…next week I am going to retrieve it. I leave for Hawaii on Sunday. I am taking books that have called my name for months, magazines that date back to november that have sat unread for too long, my ipod that begs to be heard, and some suntan lotion.
My balance, you see, comes in spurts these days, 1-2 week increments rather than an hour or two here and there. I must take advantage when I have the opportunity. I want to remember this trip as relaxing, invigorating, adventurous, and beautiful. I want to get to the last day and feel deep sorrow that I have to return to my school/work life. I want to forget the person I am right now that carries a calendar everywhere and has trouble sleeping when there is so much to be done. I want to return from Hawaii as the person I was before my life was sucked away. I am going to go to the beach, apologize to my life, and beg it to leave paradise and return to Greensboro with me. I’m sure it will be reluctant at first, but it will eventually agree.
I am not looking for the light at the end of the tunnel as much as I am looking to paint the inside of the tunnel with a million beautiful colors!