My posts are usually written during times when I am thinking a lot (i.e., thinking too much), or as my mom calls it, “fretting”. I try not to fret, not to worry, not to over think, but I currently have a twitchy left eye, which means these attempts to cover up my fretting are not working. I’m in Colorado, where I have spent the past three days teaching group counseling skills. I’m not sure why that matters, but the change in scenery has provided me with a little bit of perspective.
So let’s talk about my strongest weakness. Perfectionism. Although I love making mistakes, and it is in fact one of my favorite things about myself, I also strive to be a perfect version of my imperfect self. Of course, I see my imperfections every day. I’m sometimes really lazy, I like to sleep, hate to cook, sometimes run out of patience, I hate the tops of the backs of my thighs, I’m completely addicted to my iphone, love staying in bed all day on a Saturday, I let the laundry pile up, I let my gas tank run down to empty every time, I hate to feel rushed, I buy too many shoes, and I sometimes don’t pay as much attention to people in my life as I should.
As much as I can forgive these things in myself, I also find myself unsure about letting other people see these sides of me. It’s not that I hide them, but I certainly don’t broadcast them. I showed a video about shame in my class this weekend, one that helped normalize that many, many women feel shame when they are unable to meet all of the expectations placed on them. My class made a list of “Don’ts” women face. They included things like: don’t be too smart, but don’t be too dumb, don’t get old, don’t get fat, don’t curse, don’t make too much money, don’t be a slut, don’t be too conservative, don’t be aggressive, etc.
I haven’t yet put it all together, but there’s something to this shame and perfectionism that is a silent epidemic amongst my friends.
Joyful Striving 