Before I had a baby I don’t remember feeling lonely. Alone, sure. But never lonely. A few sleepless nights in a row, with a new baby, introduced loneliness to my life. Colin was here. And Cash was here. Sometimes they were both sound asleep, while I was lying in bed counting down the minutes to the next time Cash would need to nurse. Those middle of the night moments could get lonely.
So….I hung out with our goldfish. This sounds crazy. Maybe “hung out” is exaggerating. He or she (the fish) doesn’t even have a name, but we’ve had said fish for almost two years now. Such a trooper, that fish. And again, I know this sounds crazy, but that fish and I were sometimes the only ones awake. He was my silent companion. He was awake and swimming. He was mesmerizing to watch.
I didn’t talk to our fish or anything. It didn’t go that far! But he kept me company in those early days. Now the nights aren’t so lonely. I don’t need my fish friend as often. These days we (mostly) sleep all night. But someday soon, I may be welcoming his silent company once again.
Sleep deprivation is real, people. Sleep deprivation can also be lonely. And we do what we must to get through it. For me, it was bonding with our fish!
Update: My friend, the unnamed fish, died in June 2016. I’ll need to find a new friend to keep me company. RIP fish.
Joyful Striving 