I’m still in the midst of these early years. These are the years when sleep is still hard to come by some nights, bedtimes aren’t quite established, and anything can throw things off (e.g., teeth, shots, transition, rearranging furniture, missed naps, etc.). While there are definitely these things that are still difficult, though getting easier by the day, there are other things that bring me so much joy I wish they would never end.
It occurred to me, the other day, that some of what I wish I could hold on to are the feelings of this stage. The love, the need, the interdependence, the awe, the pure joy, the devotion to our family unit, the extreme happiness. I wondered if I will forget what this feels like. When I pick Quinn up out of the Pack n Play because he’s awake now and wants to be held, and he is so grateful to be up in my arms, nestling into my neck, resting on my hip, at my eye level. Or when Cash is so excited when Colin or I get home from work that he can hardly contain himself as he’s bursting with energy, heading out the door to greet us! And he gives us hugs and kisses and acts out his day with his little charades, crinkling his forehead as Colin tells me Cash tried to bite someone and holding his own hand when Colin tells me who he was attached to on the playground when he arrived to pick him up from school.
I want to remember all of these feelings. They’re extreme, unfamiliar, chaotic, and even a little crazy. It’s like a roller coaster of emotion every single day, every single hour. And I want to keep it. I want more of it.
Joyful Striving 