Loving to Exhaustion

Oh man, my heart overflows with how much I love these two! It’s the best feeling to cuddle up with both of them. There are so many sweet moments during the day when Cash gives Quinn a paci, Quinn watches Cash dance around, Cash runs to Colin with open arms at the end of the day!

It’s a tough thing to admit, but burn out creeps in from time to time. As much as I love our family and our boys, it’s tough to shoulder the responsibility (especially of nursing every 2-3 hours for months on end) in such a repetitive way. A friend of mine called it “pulverizing monotony”. It can feel like that at times.

It’s also very difficult to be partnered when one person has returned to a sort of equilibrium associated with normal life and I’m still here like, “Hey, I haven’t slept in weeks! And I need a shower! How long has it been since I’ve eaten?”

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself:

1. I need built in breaks so I don’t have to say, “I need a break” …since I don’t love how it feels as a mom to ask for a break from my kids, even though I know it’s totally normal and ok.

2. Some things have to wait so I can eat, sleep, and shower. Oh…and work. I’ve embraced this one to a degree. I know that next year I will have three days of the week (theoretically) to myself because both boys will be at school. That will have its own challenges, but these challenges are only mine temporarily.

3. I require some amount of solitude and quiet each day, even 30 minutes. It’s not always possible, but it makes me a better mom and person.

4. It would be nice to take showers without being responsible for another human during the process (including using a monitor).

5. Day to day and week to week can be very different, which can be confusing when I go from feeling successful to feeling like I’m doing it all wrong within a matter of twenty four hours. This also makes me contradict myself a lot.

6. On a daily basis, I am sacrificing and compromising my own wants and needs almost constantly. I’m getting better and recognizing when this isn’t a necessity.

7. This time with babies is such a tiny blip on the radar and it will be over soon. I want to cherish these days as much as possible. So now is maybe not the best time to focus on balance, but to embrace the imbalance with open arms!