Having my family still together; buying Sarah’s recipe book; new pj’s; making calzones; new year and new semester; Mom coming to visit; doing my homework; financial aid money; the radio; going for a run; talking to Mom and Dad; my 21st birthday; watching the UNC v. Duke game (even though we lost); having class with Kelly; tax refunds coming soon; talking to Mom; putting together the basketball hoop for the kids at school; writing Valentine’s Day Cards; mailing Hayley’s present; the nice guy at Walmart; the smell of fabric softener; the lady at the gym being so nice; talking to Mom; Evan gets to go to Colorado on Saturday; changing my plans; talking to Chae; new job at the hospital; having a family who loves me; being healthy; appreciating human kindness; a windy night; not having to worry about money; making salad for dinner; doing all the laundry; my rice bag that Mom made; Sarah’s wedding; talking to Mom and Dad; getting a card from Grandma; not being so tired; Amy visiting me at work; making a new schedule; Kallie calling; almost done with this week’s homework; my dog and my cat to keep me company; being able to talk to Mom for hours; buying invitations; Labor Day Weekend; sleeping for 8 hours at a time; the vet; Kelly

my friends and family; snow and ice so we can’t go anywhere; my mom; cooking; going to the grocery store with Evan; tanning; my apartment; cooking; taping Oprah; talking to Mom and Evan; back roads to work; my plant that is slowly dying; planting herbs; the blanket mom made me; having lunch with my grandma; Dad is making me a bed; going home in a couple of weeks; mail; new job; scholarship money; babysitting; talking to mom; time to myself; Mom’s package in the mail; talking to Jennifer; baking; Sarah; going to church tomorrow; Amy; making mac and cheese

Country music; home cooked meals; Hayley; Mrs. Caldwell; Abbey, Chae, Sarah, and Jennifer; My mom; Kelly and Carmen; new pj’s; camp; my family, who puts up with me so well; washing my car; Sarah; Mom, Dad, and Evan; shopping with my Mom; Sarah doing my nails for me; Evan being home; Mom bought me Gone With the Wind; our new countertops; going shopping with Sarah; seeing Chae today; good friends; candles; cleaning; Evan helping me put a new cabinet together; Mom cooking dinner even though she was at work; going to TCBY with Evan; hot, hot weather; Katie, David, and Sarah Nabong; Eric Baker and Victor McCormack making me feel better; Mom worrying about me; Evan and Eric taking me to Outback; Mom trying to help; Kelly and Carmen; walking with Jennifer; ice cream; camp kids; my dog; cheese sandwiches; it’s storming; going gambling with Amy; Sarah; talking to Kelly today; running with Evan in the storm; going to the beach; Armageddon (the movie); my new book; my family; Bel Chere; looking at pictures with Mom; taking my camp kids out; my new schedule; going to North today; calling mom from the beach; getting my hair done; Evan, Mom, and Dad; talking to Jennifer; Kelly calling; the weekend; Mom bought me Diet Coke; going to Poplar Lodge; Mom doing my laundry; talking to Mom at the hospital; no school tomorrow; being home; Dad; Evan escorting Kristen at homecoming; cold nights; eggplant parmigiana; going to Kallie’s; sleeping in; apples; coffee; talking to Kallie; watching movies all day; watching X Files with Mom; Evan taking me to Taco Bell in Kristen’s convertible; my kitten; Mom’s chicken pot pie; new jeans; Dad going to get Applebee’s take-out; watching Law and Order; learning patience; Evan getting back ok; my new mattress; Sarah McClachlan cd; dancing; Aerosmith; time with Sarah; Mom comes home from TX tomorrow; going to Chapel Hill; talking to Kallie; Evan brought me cheese fries for dinner; Dad getting home safe; talking to Kelly; seeing Danen over Thanksgiving; my mom; decorating the tree at the hospital

Old Friends; New Friends; My mom…for whom I will always be grateful; My psychology professor, Craig Foster; My music…which makes me feel at home wherever I go; Oprah; letters unexpected; novels written to make you cry; time for myself; Diet Coke; my life; to have all my friends still here with me; having my car here; growing up in such a loving place; long distance phone calls; cards from Mom; Dad trying to help me with my computer; weekends I go home; surprising Mom; maid service; the guy at Gateway for being so patient; Raleigh not being that far away; the storm outside; genuinely nice guys without lines; Tuesday/Thursday classes; going home for the weekend; home cooked meals; email; email from home; journal writing; friends coming for the weekend; Aerosmith’s What It Takes; email from home; talking on the phone; my psych class; North Henderson football games; Mrs. Caldwell’s help; being from Hendersonville; email from Jennifer; having Carmen to come back to; calling Mom to say I got here ok; Oprah’s book club; time alone in the car; my dad trying to do things right; being able to go sit outside; Jennifer being here with me; Eric Duncan emailed me about friendship; Carmen; it rained today; Joe fixed my screen saver; my surgery went well even though I woke up crying; Sarah and Chae’s visits; my family that loves me; switching dorm rooms; my grades; Russ helping us move; tomorrow’s my late day for class; talking to Mom; talking to Danen; cancelled classes; Jennifer’s phone calls; going home with Carmen; phone calls from home; voicemail; Mom taking a new job with less stress; Katie Massie, Kelly Roosa; camping out for tickets; my late days to sleep; new notecards; Thanksgiving break; an 85 on my Word Etymology exam; Mom, Dad, and Evan; Hayley; Evan coming to visit

There seem to be a lot of good-byes this year. Some good-byes are happening in dramatic fashion, while others are coming with lots of lead time so that I can prepare. Either way, a good-bye is a good-bye and leaves behind a sense of loss and lost. I’m waiting for all the pieces to fall where they will so that I can see the new picture that exists!

Holidays are always such a mix of emotions, a time when joy and stress compete for attention in my family. It’s always a little fun, a little crazy, a little relaxing, and a little out of control. This year was no different. For me, though, it was all of it’s typical ups and downs, but with an additional dose of sadness. My friend, Eric, was not with us to enjoy this holiday this year. Although, we are still unsure what happened, what is certain is that Eric suffered with some extreme issues after serving in the Marines and then the Navy. He is sadly another casualty of a war that continues to claim lives overseas and once soldiers have returned to the states.

I haven’t seen his mom yet, and I know that when I do my heart will no longer be held together, but will shatter into a million pieces. I can’t imagine the weight of his loss on his family. There are no comforting words, nor words of understanding that could possibly help at a time of such loss. I will offer her as much love as I can and be a safe person to whom she can say anything. I also offer a book. It is a book that I have given too many times, but one that I am so grateful for when the time comes. It is called “The Next Place” and it is the closest thing to comfort I know how to offer at times of such horrific grief. Last year, I gave it to a 6 year old whose parents died just days before Christmas, at the hands of her father’s gun. This year, I give it to Karen and Joe, whose only son died senselessly just days before a holiday of thanks.

In it, I have written:
“I hope this book might offer you both just a small bit of comfort, something I know words alone cannot. The “next place for Eric is filled with the freshest white powder snow and all the perfect waves. I imagine him laughing even more joyfully than he ever laughed here with us, enjoying all his favorite things. We will always love him and will always feel his absence but we will never forget the ways he reminded us to not take ourselves too seriously and laugh through even the toughest times.
With love and a heavy heart,
Adria”

It’s a fine line between happy and unhappy, balanced and unbalanced…

I try to keep an eye on that line to keep track of my philosophies, my values, my happiness, and all of the other things that are important to me. However, that line wiggles and moves and makes me have to constantly check to see which side of the line I am standing on. My job search is making me very aware of this line. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to live? What’s most important? I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t wake up in someone else’s dream, joylessly striving for unimportant things. I hope that I stay on the “right” side of this line that I walk.

I’m trying not to overthink or overplan, but also to not allow life to just “happen” to me. I don’t need control but I do need intentionality. It will be interesting to see where my intentionality takes me…

What a strange, strange place to be…finished with a PhD, without a job, not knowing which direction looks best. It’s not what I had in mind. Reminds me of the saying about “best laid plans”. I feel a little lost, but also a little found standing in the middle of this place. Things will work out, they’ll get back on track. And when the dust settles I’ll be interested to see what lessons and what people are awaiting me on the other side.
And as I read over my blog posts from the last few years, it is intriguing that after all this time I have still lost myself and I “ain’t back yet”. Seems like I need to take my own advice and teach myself a thing or two about balance. Being quiet…and still…is likely the best way.

It’s so true…from hello. Weird but true. Still not sure where things are going in the Johnny and June realm of my life…still waiting for the results of that poll…but everything else is strumming right along. I have so much to be grateful for…and am currently drowning in it…haha! I’ve checked out, taken time off, lived freely for the past few months. It’s been lovely, truly lovely. And while that kinda summer livin’ can’t last forever, I’m gonna try (once again) to keep the spirit in my fall, winter, and spring livin’. Things get so busy so fast! Things change direction so fast! My job got cut, they gave it back, they took it away again, and then gave it back again. I’m teaching at UNC…thought I wasn’t it to it, turns out now I’m lovin’ it. Took a weekend job…that’s keeping my weekdays very busy! And all the while still working on the dissertation and trying to get a school based health center up and running at Sylvan. Busy. Crazy. Fun.
And in the midst of it all…when things get quiet and all sweet and settled…i am oh so hopeful…and happy:)

I’m finally home for Christmas and taking a break from most things school related. I decided to leave Sunday night…last minute decision…which meant getting to my brother’s house around 10pm. I love driving at night, especially when I’m driving home.
Now I’m sitting by a fire, in front of a Christmas tree, waiting for Evan and Camden to get home. The temperature outside makes me want to stay put for the rest of the day, but I promised Rusty I would go down to Greenville for some last minute shopping. He’s got me thinking…and thinking is never a good idea around the holidays so I am working on keeping my thoughts to myself until post-New Year’s!
For now, I just want to enjoy being home, being with my family, and being grateful that this year’s holiday season is so much better than last year’s!! I wish the warm fuzziness of it all could last all year long. And let me just say…I’m looking forward to the newness of a new year and all that comes with it! Then again, slap a “new” sticker on just about anything and I can’t wait to try it:)