October seems like a blur to me! I spent part of the month in Colorado visiting Elysia and another part in Kitty Hawk with my brother. Those were some of my favorite days so far this fall. The other October days seem to have disappeared without warning! The one exception is Halloween, which would fall under the extreme fun category! I can’t help but to reiterate how nice it is to have my life back once again and to be be able to enjoy these times of being in a doc program instead of being so immersed in work and stress. I think these last couple of years have been the most fun I have had in my lifetime. I hope this is a sign that life gets more fun the older I get:)
And I have to say somethings about the election. In 2004, I tuned in to watch the DNC. When Barack Obama spoke, I was moved in a way that I had never been moved by a politician. I begged Rusty to come into the living room and watch, but he was busy with other things, so I sat there alone in my amazement of this person who inspired so much hope and optimism within me. I began using that speech in the public speaking classes I was teaching to illustrate charisma, personalization, etc.
Just 4 short years later, I am just as moved by Barack Obama’s words and his optimistic intentions. Other people wonder if he can get it done…these things he talks about. That would be great, but it is missing the point. I am so very grateful to have a president who dares to dream, who sees the ideal and reaches for it, and who is not afraid to lead America toward a better future, even if he is unsure of the path he is taking. He has changed the tone of the country and of the world. That is an accomplishment rarely (if ever) achieved by one man before he ever even sets foot in the White House. I am proud that so many Americans checked yes for a brighter tomorrow and a better future for our children.

I feel like I’ve been getting soft whispers in my ear that I have not been paying attention to…so I got a pebble upside the head to remind me about what is important and what is not. I’ve been focusing on things that are not as important, making a mountain out of a mole hill. So, it is no surprise that a mountain appeared on the horizon, although luckily it wound up being more of a hill. Evan’s Crohn’s disease is a constant reminder to not take things for granted. It’s so easy to do, it seems. And while I think I do a fairly good job of keeping things in perspective, finding balance, and keeping my values in check, every once in a while something trivial will creep in and distract me. Sometimes those distractions are welcome ones, and sometimes it is best to just let them go. I am grateful for the unexpected trip home…the time with Evan, time with Camden, and time with Shanna. I am also grateful that I had the chance to watch Dad and Camden together…laughing, eating, talking. Blessings in disguise. Nobody likes sad songs, but sometimes the sad songs make us appreciate the happier ones.

Too much fun doesn’t even begin to touch on the theme for this past weekend. It’s one of those weekends that I will daydream about for weeks to come! And maybe it doesn’t even need words to describe it…maybe it is best left as a weekend full of some of my favorite memories:)

I love when things just happen, fall into place, just feel right. I’ve been having many, many moments lately where this is the case. I guess that’s what less structure will do for a life! I am so grateful for the experiences I have had this summer and the slower pace that has allowed me to really appreciate them. Though I have been incredibly busy with teaching, counseling, and research, I have also spent a good amount of time catching up, reconnecting, and just hanging out. I forgot what I was missing! Now the key is figuring out how to hold onto this feeling as I head toward the fall semester. I may need a reminder every now and then!

My brother came down to ole’ Whitsett for a visit this past weekend. For those who don’t know, Evan is one of my very favorite people on the planet. Our Saturday consisted of a tour of Snow Camp, lunch at Top of the Hill, some homemade ice cream at Maple View Farms, and then a bit of tv watching. As a super fun last minute thing, we decided to go see Tom Petty and Steve Winwood at Walnut Creek in Raleigh. Carla went with us. I love a good, summer, outside concert. I worked on making my way to the front of the stage but only got as far as the 20th row…still a great place to hear American Girl during the encore!
When I am not being a rockstar, I’m still working on my social networking (my own personal network and my research of other people’s networks). I’ll report on that when I have something exciting to say:)

A friend of mine recently told me that my quest for balance sounds like another part-time job…and sometimes it feels that way. I think I’ve lost something very near and dear to my heart this summer. That is, I’m no longer working at the school (school’s out for summer and all that) so I seem to have lost my balance. The pace, the people, the kids, they all keep me pretty balanced. I found myself the other day driving out to the elem. school just to “touch base”. I used to do that with home…but home is a longer drive (and much more expensive these days) so I am using the school as my touchstone.
Another thing that has caught me off-guard is just how lonely a dissertation summer can be. Even though I am spending time with friends, catching up with people I haven’t seen in ages, and loving my students at UNC, all the alone time really wears on me…and I am by no means an extrovert! I’ve attempted to use Sex and the City to replace my social time as needed (still fun but less of a time commitment) but I finished the last episode this evening. I’m not one who is normally lonely…in fact I can’t really remember the last time I even used the word, but this summer often makes me feel that way.
On the up side, things are moving along. Dissertation stuff is coming along nicely, teaching is so much fun, and I love the summer sun! I wish I knew where it was all going…job, dissertation, relocating, etc. but I guess for now I just need to enjoy fishing in the dark, knowing that the light is just around the corner!

You got to know when to hold ’em. Know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away…and know when to run.
Those are the lessons I am working on. Sometimes it is hard to know when to (fill in the blank) and when not to. Ambiguity and I are not always friends…neither are regret and I. So making decisions can sometimes be challenging for me. I keep talking about a crossroads. It is not a crossroads, I am kidding myself. It is a bridge. And with each step I take the plank behind me drops into the river below so I have to keep moving forward. There is no longer a bridge back. And that’s a good thing.
Someone once put so much in perspective for me by saying _____ sounds like it is pulling you back whereas _____ sounds like it is moving you forward. Aha! A light bulb! I remind myself of this statement often when there is a decision to be made. I often feel myself pulled back. Comfort, security, safety. Maybe I need to seek out excitement, difference, unknown. If I figure out a way to combine the two worlds, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, I’m going to keep crossing the bridge one plank at a time and try to remember that with each step I not only let go of something but I embrace something new.

“She’s Everything”…that’s what’s playing on CMT right now so seems fitting as a title for this post. It’s a song I relate to…not because I think I am everything, but because it is about all the little things that make up one person. I don’t want to know myself for all the degrees, articles, presentations, etc. that I do during my lifetime, but for all the other things that are who I am…the things that people who have known me for a long, long time know about me. I am lucky enough to connect with some of those people (online and in person) every once in a while and it is so nice to have those folks around to know me for me, plain and simple. And there are still people who are newer to my life who seem to “get me”. It catches me off guard when it happens, but I am always so grateful when it does.
I am in between engagements right now as spring semester starts and summer sessions loom in the not so far off distance. It’s nice. I can catch my breath for a second or two and focus on some items that have been a little neglected. Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it’s more anxiety provoking than I care to acknowledge. Tonight, though, Carla came over (like the good ole days of two years ago) and we shared a bottle of wine and talked about things mostly unrelated to school. It was nice. That connection gets lost sometimes. And being able to spend time right now with Elysia and Connor is a gift, one that will be short-lived but long lasting. I am grateful to be around for at least a little while to watch her become a mom.
There really are so many things in my life to be grateful for, and I am still working on that being in the moment and loving where I am. I guess we all hit a spot where we wish for something we don’t yet have. I am practicing my patience and hoping that all the pieces fall together soon and in the mean time that I can continue to pay attention to how much I love my present life and how lucky I really am.

What a fantastic weekend! Elysia called me on Thursday…sick of being pregnant and ready to get going on this baby thing. She mentioned she wanted to get out of town…she mentioned the magic word…music to my ears, the beach! I told her to check the weather and get back to me ASAP. Sure enough, beach weather was in the forecast for Friday. We hopped in my car (top in the down position) and headed east! We stopped for shrimp burgers on the way down and oysters on the way back. And in between, we put our toes in the sand and forgot all the responsibilities of life. It should really happen more often:)
Another surprise was that Shanna wound up coming for a visit (she would be my other spontaneous friend). We went out in Chapel Hill (He’s Not, I Love NY Pizza, Carolina Coffeeshop, Goodfellas, Jack Sprat, and Players). It was a lot of fun. We hung out with some Rugby players, danced our tails off, and had a lot of fun.
It was nice to have so much fun packed into one weekend…and not have to worry about being me til Monday.
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So, scratch everything I said about Honolulu and Waikiki. I don’t want to use up the meaning of the word impressive on these two places. Let’s call them…busy, but nice. I rented a convertible and drove up to the North Shore (Waimea Bay, Sunset Beach) to see if I could see some big waves and some real deal surfing. For some, the waves may have seemed tiny, but they were 8ft tall, which I think is a decent size for a wave. The drive up was amazing. I put the top down and turned the radio up. I saw so many beautiful places! I kept trying to picture Hawaii before the missionaries arrived and ruined so much of this beautiful place, before America took it over and much of the culture was lost or prohibited. I ate lemon and butter shrimp for lunch from Giovanni’s shrimp truck. If I hadn’t heard great things about the place, there is no way I ever would have stopped from the looks of it. But luckily, I had heard wonderful things and therefore had a freakin’ tasty lunch. I drove around, watched people surfing, stopped at the beach, saw a sea turtle, and sang my way around the top of Oahu.
The next day I was supposed to return my car…but something happened. I got in, wound up going the wrong way, and kept driving. I called Alamo and let them know I would be keeping the car for one more day. I just didn’t have the heart to give it up just yet. This time I did a little bit of sight seeing and then drove south. Man, was it worth the extra day! Some of the views actually made me laugh out loud, they were so phenomenal! The pictures really do not do this place justice.
Today, I am heading back to the North Shore, this time in a shuttle, to take surfing lessons at the Hans Hedemann surf school. It should be fun. I’ve never tried surfing before, so we’ll see how it goes. I am just hoping the balance and grace I learned in years of ballet lessons pay off!