Spring Break!

It’s time to get outta the house! Finally!

Time for walking to get froyo…

Time for swinging…

Time for watching cars…

Time for naps outside…

Time for walks to get coffee…

Time for plenty of fun two-legged milestones…

Time for being silly on the back deck…

Time for unexpected naps in swings!

Cash and I had an awesome Spring Break! Most days it was sunny and 80 degrees, perfect for spending most of our time outside!

Toward the end of the week, a few incoming teeth made Cash a little less than happy, but he doesn’t let much get in the way of his fun so a little Tylenol usually put him back on track!

It’s getting harder to bend at the waist or hoist a baby onto my hip. Most things that hit the floor stay there until Colin gets home. It’s not always easy but I wouldn’t trade a second of it!

The weekends and Wednesday’s, when we are all together, are the best! This week we went to the midwives, cleaned the house, made a Target run, went for walks, took naps, ate froyo and sno-cones, and caught up on House of Cards. I keep thinking these are our last few months as a family of three, which is both exciting and nostalgic!

Next up, I get a full week to work next week and then we are off to Montreal!

Baby, Not a Baby

Where did my baby go? Cash has learned (and mastered) the art of pulling up. And now he’s just a show off. He’ll hold on with just one hand, or sometimes no hands! Six months old. What?! I thought we had more time before standing!

He’s not all that interested in crawling, but seems incredibly interested in walking. Be still my heart. The toughest part for me is this lesson of letting go and not rescuing him all the time. Sometimes, but not ALL the time. The lessons just keep on coming!

Hanging out in his baby bed, that he is now too grown for! Check out that confidence!

Not always the best

It’s far from newsworthy that I am far from the world’s best anything. I’ve known this fact my entire life. And I’m totally fine with it. I do, however, have high standards. My high standards have gotten me far in life, especially professionally. But, I fear, they are no longer serving me well.

My high standards don’t make me a better mom or a better wife. In fact, they do the opposite. When they creep in, I enjoy things less because I’m evaluating or judging myself. It’s not constant not conscious judging. Just underlying shoulds that nag at me, and in turn make me nag other people. It’s a terrible feeling.

The craziest thing is that I don’t even know what standards I’m striving for. Where is the top? What does the best even look like? A perfectly organized color-coded calendar, daily routines, happy children, weekly date nights, perfect teaching evaluations, multiple publications per year, and lots of friends?

Regardless, I’d love to let it all go, so I can be more present and enjoy this crazy, chaotic time! My life is already pretty perfect. I, honestly, couldn’t ask for more. I just need to slow down and enjoy it!

What you need

It’s so hard to know what to buy when finding out a baby is on the way. I thought I’d make a list of our must haves…

Motion sensor night lights everywhere (great when you’re pregnant and peeing all the time and nighttime diaper changes)

Dimmer switch in the nursery

Video monitor. We thought this was overkill but it so isn’t!

Loofah brush with a long handle (for being pregnant)

Comfy rocker that swivels with flat arms to hold things. Ours is in our room not the nursery so we can all be together.

A few different options for where the baby might sleep. We had a cosleeper in the bed, a cosleeper beside the bed, a swing, and a rock n play. He only liked the cosleeper beside the bed for the most part)

Baskets for diapers and wipes in various rooms

Crib (we only spent $100 but some are like $3000!)

Changing table/dresser (we only spent $200)

Changing pad with cover

Mesh crib bumper

Aden & Anais blankets and bibs (lots)

newborn bottles with slow flow nipples

larger bottles

One of a few a types of pacis

Small pack of newborn diapers in a few brands. Pampers is our thing.

Humidifier

Tiny nail clippers

Two types of thermometers (the forehead scan kind is well worth it but isn’t recommended before 6 mos)

Piano mat is amazing even though it will be a while before it’s useful

Waterproof mattress covers for EVERY bed, including yours

A few pairs of tiny socks

A few different hats that probably won’t ever fit right

Stroller with rubber wheels (city mini GT or BOB for long legs so you don’t kick the back)

Stroller caddy to hold your water and phone

Sling and one other type of carrier for variety (I like ktan active for summer)

Infant Tylenol

Nose Frieda

2 Bath towels and wash cloths (people may give you a bunch but that’s silly)

Baby bath tub

Boppy pillow that has incline not the one for nursing. IMO, nursing pillows are silly.

A non-fluffy blanket for your bed

Earth mama bottom balm and spray

Tucks

Giant pads. The ones I liked were the orange always overnight ones with no wings. The day time ones (yellow wrappers I think) aren’t long enough to catch everything

Always makes underwear too. Or Depends. I wore these plus a pad and mesh underwear to the hospital after my water broke. They saved me! I wore them after cash was born for a few days too.

Tums

Tylenol

Smooth move tea (for pregnant and after)

Fiber gummies (for pregnant and after)

Stool softener (start taking around 36 weeks to avoid ass glass)

A super simple app to track baby feelings and diapers. Mine is called baby feeding tracker or something. Black with a bottle.

Most are way too complicated and no one can enter all that one handed with a crying baby.

Dim lamps that you can reach and turn on with one hand

A place for baby paperwork

Spectra S2 pump (way better than medela)

Hand pump for just in case situations like traffic or road trips

Shirts for nursing

Two nursing nightgowns for the hospital. One for labor and one for after

Our baby plan photographer is the best gift we have ourselves by far so you all end up in awesome photos together (maternity around 32 weeks)

Sleepers with zippers not snaps in every size

Concealer is pretty helpful for weird freckles at the end of being pregnant.

Wipe warmer is quite nice

Diaper organizer for changing table

Grass looking thing to hold bottles

Bottle brush (we didn’t use any bottles til 3 months but I was home and not pumping)

Prego pop drops helped me not puke during labor and helped my mouth not get dry

Several water bottles with straws or bite valves. There’s nothing worse than having water nearby that you don’t have hands to open when you’re thirsty. Same with food. I spent a lot of time staring at food near me.

Diaper pail. We did the dekor? I think it’s called.

Two bags for the hospital…one for labor and one for your room after. The rooms are usually small so you don’t need all that stuff.

Cough drops. I needed these bc my voice was hoarse from yelling during labor.

People gave us other things like diapers, wipes, swing, clothes, Dreft, jumper, high chair, baby spoons, baby bowls for baby food, baby shampoo, baby comb, baby toys, baby books, teethers, and other random things.

Clothing tips: Dont wear regular clothes pregnant you won’t realize you’re stretching them out. Breastmilk stains everything so don’t wear things you don’t want to ruin. Spend money on a good bra for pregnancy and a good bra for nursing. Then a few cheap ones too.

If you don’t take the tags off of everything you can return them or gift them. You won’t need all the cute clothes you get.

The gift of time

Everyone has advice when you have a baby…where they should sleep, how they should eat, when they should walk, etc. There is no shortage of opinions, a wide variety of opinions. However, there seems to be agreement on one thing…the season of raising babies is a short one. It may feel long and laborious at times, but one day everyone looks back and wonders where the time went, wishes they could stop the clock, and can’t even believe they were ever that little. Time. I’ve been given the gift of time. I’m not sure it will lengthen this season of babies for me, but it’s the most generous gift to be given at times like this.

Before Cash was born, I had a few weeks away from work to enjoy time to myself (what some people called my final moments to myself, which of course isn’t true). After Cash was born, Colin had six weeks away from work to be home with us as a new family of three. Six glorious weeks! We also made the choice to change his hours at work, which results in being together every evening, as well as Colin and Cash spending every Wednesday together, which has completely solidified their father-son relationship into something so awesome that I have no words to describe it.

For me…I had six months with Cash before needing to leave him to go to work. Up until then, Cash just went with me. This Friday will be his first time staying with someone other than Colin or myself. It’s pretty amazing. I’m very fortunate. We are very fortunate. Cash is very fortunate. And grateful.

This time next year, we will have a six month old and an eighteen month old. And up until this point next year, they will have been with us. The gift of time.

I can’t cherish every moment or embrace every second of every day, but I can move at a slower pace, figure things out without pressure, recover as I need to, make smoother transitions, help with adjustments, be present, live my values, and figure out how to find synergy in work and family.

Some people probably think I’m being a little too selfish with my time. I don’t answer calls, I’m bad at listening to voicemail, I forget to check email that isn’t work related. We keep weeding out obligations and finding ways to better spend the time we’ve been given. It’s a process. It’s important.

The impact this time has had on myself, my family, and my work is immeasurable. I am an all-around better person for it. I need to write letters of thanks to our employers, to let them know just how much these leave policies have meant to our family. More than they will ever know.

Hello, Jellybean!

Today we got to meet Baby #2! We saw a tiny baby silhouette and watched a tiny baby heartbeat on the screen. It’s truly amazing that my body just knows how to grow a person. That will never not amaze me!

This time is different. This time, instead of just awe and wonder, I also feel immense love for this tiny being that I carry with me everywhere I go. Some people describe the feeling with their first. It was definitely there with Cash, but this time it feels even bigger! We know the joy we are waiting 40 weeks for this time and we can’t wait to watch two people we created, that came to be as a result of our love, love each other. I can’t even begin to imagine all those feelings!

I’m incredibly grateful for both of our children and can’t wait to meet this little guy…or girl…this summer!

Tired Beyond Measure

I wish pregnant bodies went into mandatory hibernation for a while during the first trimester. Someone would have to step in and take over every single aspect of life. Or I wish people were like penguins and we could lay eggs so that prenatal care could be shared amongst our village.

I’m not great at being pregnant, I don’t think. My body feels hijacked. I’m nauseous, hungry, and exhausted. And awake.

Of course, I’m also excited, grateful, and happy. There are highs and lows. Good moments and moments I feel like I’m drowning. Luckily, the drowning ones are only fleeting moments…and they pass. I’m still working on asking for help, practicing self-care, and letting go of perfectionism. I think it’s my on-going life’s work.

This guy helps me keep it all in perspective, though. I start to feel adrift and he (and Colin) grounds me.

I should have known…

Here are some reasons I should have known I was pregnant this time…

1. Cravings. This should have been a dead give away. In one week, I ate potato chips for breakfast, had to have sushi, and had an intense craving for Taco Bell tacos. Ick.

2. I threw away all of Colin’s white t-shirts because I couldn’t stand the smell of them. Every. Single. One.

3. I kept saying, “My body doesn’t feel right.” I thought I for sure had some kind of tragic illness or thyroid issue going on.

4. I couldn’t tell if I was still hungry or overfull after eating.

5. I spent one night so itchy all over that I couldn’t sleep.

6. The restless sleeplessness. Colin said I was sleeping like a crackhead. True.

7. Crying. Over ridiculous things, like Colin running a 5k. It was so over the top emotional. I had to try really, really hard to keep my composure. So silly.

My kid never gets dressed

I woke up this morning feeling like I’ve been such a lazy mom. Not literally, I do a million things, but there’s one thing I hadn’t done in a while. I hadn’t actually dressed the baby. Most of the time he stays in his jammies during the day, unless there’s a reason to put him in real clothes. Anyway, today I realized it’s been a while and was judgey with myself.

So I dressed him. He looked so cute. Fifteen minutes later he had pooped and spit up all over himself. Nice. Second try. I kept all my patience and got him dressed again. Aw, so cute. Ten minutes later, covered in spit up again. So he spent some time half dressed until I could clean up all the crazy and find him another clean shirt.

Ok, now I remember why he doesn’t get dressed often. Here I am trying to be a “good” mom by making my kid wear clothes and he’s just all about making some laundry. Silliness. Pj’s it is. He’s happy, I’m happy, and it’s a good reminder that I need to stop judging myself about minute details that don’t even matter.

Let’s Do It Again!

Ever since Cash was born, we’ve been talking about “the next time”! After a whole day of feeling pretty sick on Christmas Eve, I came out of denial for a minute to accept the fact that I’ve had crazy cravings, sleepless nights, trouble breathing, and waves of nausea. Colin put the pieces together before I did. I was convinced I was getting the flu, but we went out for last minute Christmas shopping anyway. I’ll be fine. By the afternoon, I was spent. We were going to lunch and then the grocery store. Colin suggested burgers and I couldn’t even imagine the thought of eating a burger. There were tons of red flags like that over the past week or so! We skipped the groceries to go home for grilled cheese and tomato soup. And after that, I felt a lot better. That was the final red flag of the day. I asked Colin to grab a pregnancy test while he was out.

I took a test while Colin went upstairs to get Cash, who was just waking up. For a brief second I felt like I couldn’t remember how a test worked…which line comes up first? Oh right. First line was bright pink. Then there’s that white gap where my heart was in limbo. Then a few blinks to focus my eyes and it was all clear. Two pink lines. It’s the craziest thing when it happens!

Just like last time, I wanted Colin to see for himself. He was on the bed with Cash. I sat down behind him and held the test in front of him. He took it, rolled over, sat up, and said, “We’re having another baby!” Then he laughed. And paced. And repeated himself over and over. Then kept saying, “Holy shitballs.” Because even though we’ve talked about this baby and said we feel like someone’s missing, it’s still so crazy to first learn our family is growing, has been growing for 5 weeks and we didn’t even know it!!

We love this new baby so, so much! And we are so excited to have kids a year apart! It’s going to be so much fun!!