We had an appointment at Duke Regional on July 28th to try an external cephalic version to turn Quinn from his comfy breech position to a more “conducive to labor” position with his head down. We dropped Cash off with Juliette and the boys and headed to the hospital. We knew there was a chance of labor beginning with an ECV so we were prepared for the possibility. Unfortunately, Quinn’s ultrasound by Dr. Gunter still looked like his body was lagging behind in growth and his amniotic fluid was low. We would not be turning a baby today, but we WOULD be going to our appointment at the Duke MFM clinic the next day for a more accurate, formal growth scan to see how much Quinn had grown in the past three weeks.
The next day, our appointment confirmed what Dr. Gunter had seen, that Quinn was still measuring small (fetal growth restriction) but had normal non stress test, Doppler, and amniotic fluid results. Low normal, but normal, nonetheless. The radiologist came to the doorway of our room and let us know it was time to have a baby…soon…like “early next week”.
Just like when my water broke with Cash, this was the proverbial water breaking, so Colin threw up a little in his mouth. While we waited for Dr. Desai, from Durham Women’s Clinic, to call us back to make a delivery plan, we decided to grab some food (and a Maker’s on the rocks for Colin…AND a margarita for Colin). Those french fries I ordered wound up being the only reason we weren’t headed to Duke Regional to have a baby that very day.
When our OB called, there was some back and forth about when we might be scheduled. Could be tonight, tomorrow, or Monday. Thanks to the french fries, and the weekend, the final decision was Monday, August 1st at 1:30. That would officially be Quinn’s birthday.
Whitney was at our house with Cash so our next stop was to go grab him and get started making plans for our last weekend as a family of three! My list included going to the pool, eating good food, and getting Cash’s school stuff ready for the upcoming week. Colin’s list included ordering a baby gate, getting groceries, and mowing the grass. The weekend was a balance of running around and taking it easy.
We hung out at the pool, ate good food, dropped Tyson off with Carson, and made a final run to Target. I started reading a lot about c section recovery tips and timelines. We coordinated with friends and family to make sure we had plans for Cash each day of our hospital stay. I knew this would be a totally different experience but wasn’t exactly sure how to prepare for it.
On Sunday, we went to the Meet and Greet at Cash’s school. I’ve already talked about how much I love his school and how amazing it is. Sunday just reaffirmed everything I already knew!
After leaving there, we received a text from Parrish asking if we would like some time alone before venturing into the great unknown of “family of four”! Do we ever?? It was such an awesome gift!! To have time together as a couple. To stop running errands and doing chores. To savor the crossroads at which we were standing. Of course our answer was, Yes! Within two hours we had finished up errands and were in our way to the movies!! We went to see Bad Moms. I figured if laughing was going to be painful after a c section, I should watch it before Monday.
When we got out of the movie, it was pouring rain with thunder and lightening. I think walking to the car may be my favorite part of that whole night! There’s something very sweet about rushing to the car in the rain. It reminded me of our early days of dating. It reminded me how much I love Colin. It reminded me of a time where so many things didn’t matter! The whole evening created a perfect entrance into the following day.
The next morning, Beth came over to stay with Cash while we headed to our appointment at the hospital. I was hungry. I thought about food a LOT. Colin was gracious enough to not eat breakfast alongside me. Although, when we got to the hospital I asked him to please eat to ensure he didn’t pass out in the OR.
Labs and monitoring were our first steps.
We were in a triage room in L&D, our holding area from 10am-1:30. Lots of people had to come in to talk to us. I can’t say enough about how prepared and supported we felt going into this. Coming from a birth story that was a complete 180 degrees from this experience, made us feel like rookie parents again, but those few hours and those amazing people restored our confidence in this decision and in ourselves.
One of the great blessings of those moments was that Annemie, our photographer, sent us the link for Cash’s one year photos. Talk about perfect timing! Colin and I sat in the triage room being all nostalgic, looking at photos of taken in the last weeks as “the three of us”. The photos, of course are absolutely amazing!
When it was time, I kissed Colin goodbye and walked over to the OR. We didn’t make a big deal or even say much at all. We both knew how big this moment was and that there was risk involved, but we also knew this was the only choice so we put one foot in front of the other and walked. I had been avoiding many phone calls or potentially emotional situations the previous day and also that morning. I didn’t want to be sad or worried because this was such a happy, exciting day! It was Quinn’s birthday!!
It felt so strange walking to the OR room to get things going. I assumed it would also feel like a cold experience, but it really didn’t. The room was pretty small and I felt I was with our people, those we trusted to handle something as big as the birth of our son. Will was my anesthesiologist. He was great. He worked in the ER at UNC a few years after I did so we had some stories to share. It felt like reuniting with someone I went to college with.
I’ll save the details of the actual start of the procedure, but I do want to mention it felt more empowering walking into the OR room than it would have being wheeled in on a bed. I also very much appreciated that Dr. Desai was in there with me from the beginning. And, although it’s the smallest thing, the fact that she held my hands during the spinal block made an enormous difference in how I felt.
Once we finally got the spinal block in place, and after I got over the initial bp drop and nausea that accompanied it, Colin was able to come into the room. I can only imagine how hard it was for him to wait patiently in another room. When he could finally join me, he sat down near me and hung his head. I could tell he didn’t love seeing this scene. I could tell there was a lot he wanted to say. Instead, he became my rock. He kept my attention off of what was happening on the other side of the drape by talking to me, close to my face. I was taking deep breaths, trying to keep my mind off the heavy feeling around my lungs that was making my voice very small and my breathing shallow.
I remember Colin asking me if I wanted to listen to the doctor and our midwife, who was assisting, or if I’d rather he keep talking. I could only nod my head to tell him that it was his voice I’d rather hear.
I focused on Colin’s voice and my own breathing. With Cash’s birth I wouldn’t let Colin speak a single word, but this time it was his voice that kept me grounded…and comforted me. I tried to tune out what didn’t matter and focus on everything that did. I felt calm, at peace, and well taken care of.
Then all of a sudden I could see Quinn. It was the first thing I heard myself say with my normal voice back, “Aw, I see him!”. I saw tiny pink feet in the reflection of the overhead lights. Then Dr. Desai held him above the blue drape so I could really see him before he was whisked away to the pediatric team for evaluation.
I could hear him crying and I could see him to my right. I watched the team start their assessment. I sent Colin over to be with him. He looked like such a dad over there. He was wearing his gown and his blue cap. He looked so happy and so proud, leaning over talking to Quinn with his hands folded behind his back. He just kept looking back and forth between Quinn and then me. He was talking to Quinn, trying to make sure he knew we were there. I told Colin, “Touch him. It’s ok. Touch him.” I couldn’t touch him, myself. I was still numb and on the OR table. Colin rubbed Quinn’s head. It was their first real connection as father and son.
I asked if I could have a hand free in anticipation of them bringing Quinn to me. I never imagined that moment would feel so intimate, but there he was right next to my face.
Our son who had everyone worried, who was such a mystery my entire pregnancy, who was breech and not growing like he should. All of a sudden, I could kiss his face and feel his skin on mine. And he was fine. I could finally see him, and he was fine.
I can’t say enough about my c section experience. It was one of those things that had to happen and I’m grateful for the guidance and expertise that led us. It was as empowering an experience for me as the natural birth I had with Cash. I faced another set of challenges and came out on the other side, feeling more confident in my marriage, my family, and myself.
Colin is an even more amazing dad to two boys than he was with just one. I’m impressed by him multiple times a day. He’s, without a doubt, the rock of this family. How lucky are my boys to have such an awesome dad? And to think we are only on the first page of this next chapter of our lives! It’s cliche to say, but seriously, my heart feels so full!! ❤️
Joyful Striving 